i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize