Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
