Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
