Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Floor bacon is actually really good
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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