Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
