help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
