I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
