So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
