How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
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