you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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