I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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