hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I deserve this hangover.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
