She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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