So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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