I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
