I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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