Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
God I need to hump something, right now.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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