I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
