i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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