ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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