The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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