this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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