We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
