Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
