Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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