She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
