Your face is a jimmy john
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
