I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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