You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i wish my penis had a tongue
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
