Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
