She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
