My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
