she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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