You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
