Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize