You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
