I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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