When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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