I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
