Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
