u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i think i just lost a toe
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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