Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize