I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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