her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
