Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
