I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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