Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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