he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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