census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
