we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
