Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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