I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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