I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
