Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I am in a vortex of obligation.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize