I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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