I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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