you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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