Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
