I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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