He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The Olympian is in my bed
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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