I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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