New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
