capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
