my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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