Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
