I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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