sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
