he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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