just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
