He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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