Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
