I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
