i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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